Forgiveness
Although you guys don’t know the details, I have been struggling with some major hate since about October. I have been trying hard to forgive, but it’s been so very hard when I see the repercussions of his stupid behavior. His behavior and actions has changed my life forever. Yes I have been praying about it, but still. Well today, I was doing my devotions (and going ahead in the devotion book I am reading since I decided not to bring that with me to FL) when I came across June 14’s article. Here’s what Thelma Wells said:
“I’m Not Pleased With You”
Throw away the foreign gods that are among you and yield your hearts to the Lord. –Joshua 24:23
Preparing my wardrobe for the 2001 Women of Faith conference tour became a challenging experience. I opened one of my hour closets crammed with wall-to-wall clothes and heard in my spirit, “I’m not pleased with you.”
I closed the closet door hoping the voice would go away. When I opened it again, I got the same holy nudge. The Lord wanted me to clean out my closets!
I started laying mountains of clothes on the bed. When I thought I was finished in one closet I went to another, and then to another. Designer suits, dresses, t-shirts, casual clothes–bunches had to go.
Frankly, I didn’t like this one bit. I wanted to keep my clothes. But three times he sent me back to each closet.
I finally asked him what I could keep. “Anything that has your logo on it, ” I heard in my spirit, “and some of your speaking suits, and all your junky stuff.” I was grumbling when I heard him add, “Cheerfully.” Cheerfully? I wanted my stuff!
But I started smiling and acting cheerful. Pretty soon, I felt cheerful. When I finished my task, I was relieved and dancing joyfully around the house.
All my clothes now fit in one closet. I’m quite satisfied with the ones I have.
When was the last time you cleaned out your closets in your mind and heart? I suspect you have garments hanging around that you need to discard. When God says, “I am not pleased with you,” listen. He has a plan to renew your joy.
God, you see into all the closets of my life.
Help me clear out the clutter–cheerfully.
Amen.
I am not saying that I have a ton of clothes. I am not saying that God speaks to me like this (hm….), but I do realize that I needed to get that bitterness out of my heart. I KNEW IT. I just didn’t know how to do it. I have prayed about it, I have tried to let it go, but when I would see him, it brought anger in my heart and I actually started to hate him. Woe. I know, what a bad thing for a Christian. I just didn’t know how to get past it. Trust me, I tried.
But, for some reason, that entry helped me. After I reflected on it, I realized that it was all in God’s plan. It helped me see my weakness and how to avoid it. It helped me see who my true friends are. God probably had to use extreme measures like this one to get them out of my life so I could grow as a Christian. I was talking to a guy friend who knows the other girls and he admitted to me that they were fake and that struck a cord with him. He also said that when I was friends with them, I was fake too. Now that I am away from them, he admitted to me, I am more genuine and open. Wow. I never realized that. I didn’t think I changed, but apparently I have! God doesn’t want us to be fake or exclusive…he wants us to be open to other people so they see the love and joy of Jesus.
As I reflected on this from my perch on my balcony, I realized that my anger and bitterness to him was gone. What he needs is prayer…what the girls need is prayer. I do feel much relief now! I pray that now that I let God of this, I can be what God wants me to be…and show others His light.
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